Praise for the Social Skills Handbook for Autism

“Who knew that learning social skills could be so much fun! Photographing ladybugs, placing stickers above your eyebrows, filming with your Smartphone, playing musical instruments, bottling colored pom poms, drawing self-portraits and throwing wet paper balls at a wall are all used to assist in everything from making friends to expressing anger. The ‘Social Skills Handbook for Autism’ is packed full of creative and helpful activities and should be constantly in the hands of anyone wanting to improve the social lives of those on the Autism Spectrum.”

— Kathy Hoopmann,

author of All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome and the Spectrum Series.

“An incredible resource for teaching social skills. This will be a great addition to my library to share over and over with friends and fellow professionals. I appreciated that there were tips even for our friends that are nonverbal. Being a mother of two children on the spectrum who are nonverbal, I don’t always see this aspect included; what a pleasant surprise. Simply laid out with a wealth of fun and meaningful activities to encourage stronger social skills that will aide in friendships; I believe this is a solid resource.”

— Shelli Allen,

president of Steps Care Inc.

“Catherine Pascuas does it again! The host of The Autism Show truly understands the skills our children need to function. This book is packed full of ideas that will engage and help people with autism to learn critical skills. From reading social cues to dealing with bullying, readers will feel empowered with fun and functional activities.”

— Cara Koscinski, MOT, OTR/L

The Pocket Occupational Therapist

Author of The Parent’s Guide to Occupational Therapy for Autism

“Learning social skills and making friends are among the most important things we can teach our children. Quality of life, both as a child and later as an adult depends on those abilities. Until now, there has been a void in the literature addressing these issues in a practical way. In the Social Skills Handbook for Autism, Catherine Pascuas once again honors the reader with an incredible guidebook. This user-friendly book is practical, fun, and insightful. I found it to be organized, complete, and easy to implement. While acknowledging each child’s unique personality, she weaves together strategies to lift any child’s abilities and confidence. Her lesson plans are well designed to address such important issues as self-calming, personal space, reading social cues, and handling bullying. This book should be a mainstay in the library of counselors, teachers, and parents. Anyone working with children who are challenged by social skills will find themselves referring to this book again and again. As the author urges in the book, use these strategies, have fun, and then share the book with others!”

— Linda Barboa, PhD

“The Social Skills Handbook for Autism offers families on the Spectrum fantastic activities and strategies for every challenge faced by our community. Whether neurotypical or atypical Catherine Pascuas provides a roadmap for both adapting to challenges, and for greater awareness, acceptance, and inclusion. What I enjoyed most is her introduction on “How to Use this Book.” Catherine states, “There’s no need to read this book from start to finish.” She makes it easy for readers to find exactly what “they” need.”

— Robert Tracy, M.A. – Buddy’s World and Friends

Social Skills

HANDBOOK

for Autism

Activities to Help Kids Learn

Social Skills and Make Friends

Catherine Pascuas

Illustrations by J.A. Tan

Edx Autism Publishing

www.autismhandbooks.com

© Copyright Catherine Pascuas, 2017

© Copyright J.A. Tan, 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any matter whatsoever without written permission of the copyright owner except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than put a trademark symbol after every occurrence of a trademarked name, we use names in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark.

The information presented in this book is educational and should not be construed as offering diagnostic, treatment, legal advice or consultation. If professional assistance in any of these areas is needed, the services of a competent autism professional should be sought.

Visit the book’s website. Comments and new ideas are welcome!

www.autismhandbooks.com

ISBN:   978-0-9951-5762-0

eISBN:  978-0-9951-5763-7

Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

How to use this book

Chapter 1 - Making Friends

Greetings & Introductions

The Name Game

Learning about Hobbies and Interests

Talking about Shared Interests

Learning About People

The Photo Album Game

Giving Compliments

Chapter 2 - Verbal Communication

Controlling Voice Volume

Reading tone of voice

Intonation

Asking and answering personal questions

Photo Sharing

Chapter 3 - Nonverbal Communication

Making Eye Contact

Identifying Facial Expressions

Non-verbal gestures

Personal Space

The Connected Rope

Body Language & Posture

Reading Social Cues

Chapter 4 - Expressing Feelings

Identifying Emotions

The Feelings Journal

Let’s Talk About Feelings

Taking Ownership of Your Feelings

Empathy

Mixed Bag of Emotions

Controlling Impulsive Behavior

Chapter 5 - Listening

Listening During a Conversation

Story Addition

Following Instructions

Reflective Listening

Chapter 6 - Standing Up for Yourself

Thinking Positive

Boosting Self-Esteem

Being Assertive

Give Yourself Credit

Who is the Bully?

Dealing with Bullying

Dealing with peer pressure

Chapter 7 - Problem Solving & Managing Conflict

I Can Handle Conflicts

I Can Handle Teasing

Managing Stress

Dealing with Anger

Handling Someone Else’s Anger

Stories about Change

It’s Okay to Ask for Help!

I Can Say Sorry

Finding the Right Time to Resolve Conflicts

Staying Calm When Resolving Conflicts

I Can Compromise

Win-Win Situations

Fighting Fairly

Chapter 8 - Being Part of a Group

Phone Conversations

Sharing is Caring

Balloon Cooperation Game

Making Decisions Together

The Compliment Game

Group Communication

Being a Good Sport

Accepting Differences

Telling Stories

Acknowledgements

About the Author

About the Illustrator

More Autism Handbooks

The Autism Show Podcast

Foreword

Children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) almost universally struggle with some level of social skill deficit. Social functioning issues permeate through an ASD diagnosis and become a hallmark of challenge for those with ASD. Most practitioners who work with children and adolescents with ASD find themselves addressing a variety of social skill deficits especially those having the greatest impact on the child’s functioning ability. In my work with children and adolescents affected by ASD I am often addressing social skill issues in my treatment goals. The level and amount of social skill deficit can vary; some children with ASD may have severe deficits struggling with simple skills which neurotypical individuals find very easy to learn while other children with ASD may have several social skill strengths and have only a few specific areas of struggle.

Children and adolescents with ASD find themselves in daily situations where they are required to produce social skills to interact, to accomplish, to be included, and to function. The need for effective social skill training and therapy to help children with ASD is vital. Catherine Pascuas has written a thorough yet easy to implement social skills book to address the social skill deficits that children and adolescents with ASD struggle with. The Social Skills Handbook for Autism: Activities to Help Kids Learn Social Skills and Make Friends covers all the main social skill areas that children and adolescents with ASD commonly struggle with including making friends, being a part of a group, problem solving, nonverbal communication and expressing feelings. While reading through this book, I was struck by how well Catherine had covered the daily social skill issues that children with ASD encounter. Every area that I often find myself working on with my clients who have ASD is included in this handbook. Within each category are several techniques for improving social skill ability in that area. The techniques are clear and thoughtfully written to improve social skill functioning. I have begun using the techniques found in this wonderful resource, teaching them both to children and parents and have already seen positive results.

Catherine has an extensive knowledge of ASD and has used her knowledge and experience to create a much-needed resource for helping children and adolescents improve their social skill ability. This is a noble effort, as so many individuals with ASD struggle with having the best quality of life resulting from social skill deficits. Professionals and parents will find this handbook essential in helping them work with children with social skill challenges. I am very impressed with the final product here. I am excited that both professionals working with children with ASD and parents of children with ASD will have this resource available to help improve social skill deficits.

Dr. Robert Jason Grant

Licensed Professional Counselor, creator of AutPlay® Therapy

Author of AutPlay Therapy for Children and Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum

Introduction

If you are a parent or work with children on the autism spectrum who struggle with social skills, this book is for you.

Working one-on-one with school aged children and teens on the spectrum, I’ve seen the need for simple activities and ideas that can help kids learn important social skills to help them connect with peers and learn important skills for the future.

Most of the ideas in this book have been contributed by various educators who teach social skills and run social skill groups to children and teens on the spectrum.

You’ll also notice a few drawings scattered throughout the activities in this handbook. These drawings were created by a young artist on the autism spectrum, J.A. He is mostly known for his paintings (check out his painting on the back cover of this book) and this is his first foray into drawing.

I especially hope this book will be a valuable resource for your family or the children you work with. This book contains easy-to-implement activities to help children develop social skills.

Each child on the spectrum is unique, so be sure to adapt the activities to match their age or developmental stage.

Enjoy!

How to use this book

This book is organized in a simple manner, so you don’t have to read it from cover-to-cover (unless you want to). Instead, you can take a look at the table of contents, and pick and choose which social skills would be most helpful for the child to practice.

Here are some guidelines to follow:

There’s no need to read this book from start to finish. You may have realized by now that if you know one child with autism, you know one child with autism. Every child on the spectrum has his or her unique strengths and challenges with social skills. Not all activities in this book will be suited to your child’s (or student’s) needs. This is great news for you! You can pick and choose the activities that will be best suited to helping your child practice the social skills that need work while ignoring the rest of the book. Once you select an activity, don’t be afraid to make any necessary adaptations to match the developmental or skill level of the child. Browse the table of contents to find an activity that will help the child reach a goal and get started! There’s no need to read this book from cover to cover (unless of course you want to!).

Don’t keep this book for yourself. Do you know a parent or teacher that could use some ideas for social skills activities? Share this book of activities with them. It can be easy to run out of fresh ideas to keep children engaged. This book of activities is also great for home caregivers or tutors. Sharing is caring!

We’re always open to ideas. Do you have an idea for a social activity? Send your idea to catherine@edxautism.com. This book will evolve with your feedback. We hope to have more activities ready for version 2.

Keep it fun! Remember to keep the activities fun for the kids. It’s hard to learn new skills without a child’s attention!

CHAPTER 1

Making Friends

Greetings & Introductions

First impressions are important. Proper introductions and greetings are the fundamentals of making friends. Many children on the spectrum need an extra hand in learning how to greet others. It’s a lifelong skill, and they’ll get plenty of practice.

1. Explain: When you meet someone new you can stand up, engage in eye contact with the person you’re greeting, smile and say,

“Hi. I’m ___”

2. Practice. If there is a group of kids, you can have the children partner up and rotate introducing each other. Role play with the child as you practice introducing yourselves to each other.

Video Fun

Using video modelling can be a fun way to learn greetings and introductions. In this activity, you will take a video of the child and then review the video to teach the proper greeting technique.

What you need:

• Smartphone camera (or any video-taking device)

Steps:

1. Set up a scenario where someone knocks at your front door all while filming the whole process.

2. Let the child answer the door, greet the person and then engage in a conversation with that person. For example, you can have the child say, “Hi _______, how are you?”

3. Once they’ve completed the greeting, go through the video together and discuss what went well and areas for improvement.

4. If the child is younger and hasn’t had much practice with greetings, you can model a greeting first and videotape the video model. Show the video to the child before he or she attempts to do a greeting without assistance.

The Name Game

They say the sound of someone’s name is music to their ears. Remembering names is an important first step in learning to make friends. At times, children may feel too anxious to meet someone and end up forgetting their name afterward.

This is a great game to play at the beginning of the school year to help kids remember the names of their classmates. It also makes for a great group activity in general.

1. Ask the students to introduce themselves by saying their names. The second piece of information they will share is to reveal what one article of clothing says about them. For example, “I’m Matt and the T-shirt I’m wearing with a superhero print is my favorite superhero.”

2. Help the kids remember the names of the other children with a visualization technique. For example, they may use the article of clothing to help them remember a child’s name or, if a child’s name is Raymond, they can picture the child with beams of sun rays coming from his head, etc.

Learning about Hobbies and Interests

This discussion activity will help children learn about people’s hobbies and interests and recognize that others may have similar or different interests. It’s a great way to prepare for social situations throughout life.

What you need:

• Pen

• Paper

Steps:

1. Ask the child to look at the peer or group member.

2. Tell the child to notice the way others may have differences or similarities

3. Write them down.

4. Discuss & Explain: Many groups have something in common. For example, classmates may be in the same age group or may be learning the same materials. Members of a computer club may all be interested in technology. Keep in mind that members of groups may have their own individual interests.

Talking about Shared Interests

Everyone has different interests and preferences that are unique to them. Throughout life, we use shared interests and similarities to connect with others. This activity will help the child learn about similarities while understanding differences between peers. This activity explores people’s favorite things while helping children find similarities. Use this activity in the classroom or playgroup to help kids find a shared topic to talk about.

Steps:

1. On a whiteboard or large piece of paper list the following categories (leave enough room to add names and specifics below each category):

a. Sports

b. Hobbies

c. Favourite subjects

d. Favourite foods

e. Music

2. Have the children take turns sharing their favourite thing in each category. Under each category, write the child’s name and interest. If two or more children mention the same thing in a category, match them together.

3. Once everyone in the group has had a chance to share their interests, allow the children to form groups around their shared interests and talk about their interests.

Learning About People

Taking an interest in others is an important step in making friends. Learning small bites of information can help kids build a relationship with peers, family members, and others. Try this activity in a group.

Steps:

1. Have the children sit in a circle.

2. Turn to the person on your right and shake that person’s hand. Tell that person something about yourself. For example, you might say, “My name is Ms. Smith and my favorite food is spaghetti.”

3. The child who was greeted by you (the facilitator) then turns to the child on their right to say, “My name is ________” and share a personal detail.

4. Once everyone in the circle has had a turn, the facilitator throws a small ball to a person. The facilitator must say the child’s name and the personal detail the child shared.

5. This child then throws the ball to another child and must recall the child’s name and personal detail shared.

The Photo Album Game

When information is presented with a visual component, it can make the information easier to remember. Some children on the spectrum need the extra help remembering important social information. In this activity, you’ll apply appealing visuals to help the child learn facts about family members or children in the child’s peer group.

What you need:

1. Photo album of your child and a photo album of a friend or family member

Steps:

1. Invite a friend or family member and ask them to bring a photo album with them (have a photo album of the child as well.)

2. Get the kids to swap photo albums and look at all of the pictures inside it. Encourage them to ask questions about the photos that they see.

3. Once they’ve done that, it’s time to have a quiz to see who can remember the most facts about the other child.

4. Ask questions and keep a tally of who gets the most answers right. That person will be the winner of the game. Be sure to reward the other child, too, for a good effort.

Giving Compliments

People will always remember how you made them feel. Teaching children on the spectrum how to give appropriate compliments can be a helpful skill in making friends and developing relationships. Compliments can help people feel good about themselves. It will also help the child appreciate good qualities in another person.

Explain to the child that you can compliment someone about the way they look, something that they own, or something about their qualities or personality - for example, being funny, strong, smart, etc.

This activity can be done one-on-one with the child or in groups.

1. If there is a group of children, have the children partner up in groups of two.

2. Instruct the children to give a sincere compliment to their partner. For example, “I really like your sweater.”

3. Have the child receiving the compliment say “thank you.”

4. Have the children switch roles until all the children have given and received a compliment.

Additional discussion questions:

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

How did receiving a compliment make you feel?

How did it feel to give a compliment?

CHAPTER 2

Verbal Communication

Controlling Voice Volume

Some children I’ve worked with on the autism spectrum have had a hard time controlling the volume of their voice. Some of these students would be talking very loudly when sitting at a table beside their teachers. While some kids may naturally pick up volume control for their voice, many kids on the spectrum need a little help to understand voice volume control.

1. Start a discussion. Ask the child why using the appropriate voice volume (or loudness) is important in different situations such as in the classroom, during recess, or on the playground.

2. Explain: There are three basic volumes: soft, regular, and loud. Different situations call for different voice volume levels. Choosing to talk loudly in a quiet place or too softly so that others cannot hear can make people feel uncomfortable.

3. Practice making the three levels of volume. Take turns with the child.

4. Exercise: Outline different situations that require different voice volumes and write them down on a piece of paper. For example, sitting at the table with a tutor, talking with your neighbor outdoors, asking a question in the classroom, playing tag with friends during recess, etc. Try to pick situations that are relevant to the child’s daily routines at home, at school, or in the community. Ask the child to write down the appropriate voice volume - soft, regular, or loud - beside the situation.

5. Discuss why the child chose those answers.

Reading tone of voice

Everyone has had to deal with a friend or family member who uses a condescending tone of voice. It’s important to teach kids not only to say appropriate things but also to use an appropriate tone of voice. This is part of emotional communication. Tone of voice can communicate how you feel. It is an easy way to change the meaning of what you are trying to say. It’s equally important to teach children to recognize the importance of how things are said and not just what things are said.

1. Give the child examples of different tones of voice. For example, you could try expressing different phrases in a bored, happy, surprised or angry tone.

2. Favorite Food: Have the child say, “I love [insert favorite food here]” in a happy tone. Then, you take a turn saying the phrase in a bored tone. Which one sounds more sincere?

3. Giving Compliments: Have the child say, “I think your hat (or another article of clothing) is great!” in a complimentary or friendly tone. Then make a similar statement in a surprised tone. Which one sounds more sincere?

4. Doing chores: Have the child say, “I have so many chores to do!” in a happy tone. Next, say, “I have so many chores to do!” in an appropriate unhappy tone. Discuss how tone of voice affects the meaning of what’s being said.

Intonation

Some children on the spectrum tend to use a monotone voice. This simple theater activity will help the child use different voice intonations. It’s a great game for children who enjoy theater performance.

1. Find a simple, short and developmentally appropriate script online for two people. If you cannot find a script, you can write one of your own.

2. Read the play together with the child, and have the child choose a character to play.

3. Have the child pick out costumes or props for the performance.

4. Practice reading the play together and have the child change his or her voice to show different emotions of the character.

5. Once the child begins to use different intonations to portray the character, have the child perform in front of family members.

Asking and answering personal questions

Taking an interest in others is one of the basic steps of being social. This character game is a great way to have kids practice communication and interaction while asking and answering personal questions. This game will quickly become a favorite if the child is interested in cartoon characters.

Part I - Preparation

1. Search online images of cartoon characters.

2. Print out the images of the child’s favorite cartoon characters.

3. Glue the cartoon image on a stick to hold up to your face (or simply hold the printed image over your face during the interview).

4. Come up with several questions with the child to ask the cartoon characters. For example, “Where do you live?” or “What is your superhero name?” Write down the questions on an index card.

Part II - Interview

1. Set up two chairs across from each other for the interview. The child sits on one chair and you will sit facing the child on the other chair.

2. Hold up a printed cartoon image and tell the child to pretend you are the cartoon character.

3. Allow the child to ask the cartoon character questions that were prepared in part I.

4. Repeat the interview process for all the characters while taking turns with the child as the cartoon character.

Photo Sharing

Take turns talking and listening with your child with this interactive photo sharing game. This is a great game for children who can have simple back-and-forth conversations. All you need is your picture-taking smartphone (or a digital camera).

Many children enjoy nature walks. This game is a great way to spend time in nature and learn how to have a conversation.

1. Take a short neighborhood walk and take a trip to your local park. Take pictures of things you or your child find interesting. For example, you might find an interesting ladybug and the child might find an interesting twig on the ground.

2. After the nature walk, take a look at the pictures.

3. Take turns explaining to each other why you decided to take that picture and why you think the object in the picture is interesting.

4. Once you’ve completed the nature walk exercise, you can try going on a photo tour in different settings such as the zoo or a grocery store.

CHAPTER 3

Nonverbal Communication

Making Eye Contact

Making eye contact is a social skill that leads to positive social interactions. For some children on the autism spectrum, heightened visual processing abilities may make it harder to establish or maintain eye contact when communicating. Still, many people assume that the listener is not processing what is being said unless there is some form of eye contact. This makes it an important social skill to have. With some practice and understanding, children on the autism spectrum can learn to make eye contact when it’s necessary. Use this simple activity to help teach your child to make eye contact.

1. Tell the child it’s important to look into the eyes of the person who’s talking. If you don’t want to look into their eyes, you can try looking at their forehead. Remind the child that when it’s their turn to talk, others will look at them!

2. Place colorful stickers above your eyebrows when having a conversation with the child.

3. This will remind the child to look at your eyes when speaking to you.

Identifying Facial Expressions

Identifying facial expressions is an important part of emotional communication. Facial expressions can show you how a person is feeling. Often, these expressions can tell you more information than the words people are saying. You might be able to tell if a person is angry, happy, or sad without hearing any words and just by seeing the expression on a person’s face.

In this activity, you’ll be reading out various scenarios for a child. The child will then give an appropriate facial expression in response to the various scenarios.

Here a few scenario examples:

1. Your friend at school tells you one morning that her pet hamster has passed away.

2. You wake up one morning and your mother tells you school is cancelled for the day.

Think of additional scenario examples that apply to the child’s life.

Alternative:

Open up a picture book. Find different characters in the picture book carrying different facial expressions. Discuss how they may be feeling.

Non-verbal gestures

Using gestures can play an important role in nonverbal communication. Gestures can be used to enhance our verbal messages. Examples of gestures in everyday communication can be giving a wave as a greeting, crossing your arms, reaching a hand out for a handshake. It can be easy to pay more attention to the words people are saying, but paying attention to gestures can give you important clues to what people may be feeling. In this activity children will have a chance to act out different gestures and have a discussion around what they might mean.

1. Write out a few common gestures on a piece of paper. Here are a few gestures you may want to try.

a. Crossing your arms

b. Shrugging your shoulders

c. Waving your hand as a greeting

d. Reaching out your hand with your palm out (as if you’re going to shake someone’s hand).

e. Putting up your hand, palms facing outward (as if you’re telling someone to stop)

f. Nodding your head

g. Shaking your head

h. Head down, chin down

i. Hands on your hips

2. Add the pieces of paper to a bag or basket.

3. Take turns pulling out a gesture from the bag and acting out different gestures with the child. As the facilitator you can begin.

4. Have the child answer these questions for each gesture you act out.

a. What does this gesture mean?

b. When might this gesture be used?

c. How do you think the person doing the gesture might feel?

Personal Space

Many children will have a built-in understanding of personal space. But some children that struggle with social skills may annoy or turn peers off if they stand too close during a conversation.

Learning about personal space can be an important skill for children on the autism spectrum to learn at an early age to help avoid awkward situations. If a child stands too close during a one-on-one conversation with another child, they may not feel the discomfort their peer is feeling. Try the following activity to teach personal space:

1. Have the child stand about two feet away from you.

2. Ask the child how he feels at that distance. Does he feel comfortable or uncomfortable?

3. Next, tell the child to walk towards you until they feel that they are too close.

4. Explain to the child that this uncomfortable feeling of being too close is what others will feel if he or she stands too close. Explain that another child may need more personal space to feel comfortable.

5. Use a hula-hoop, tennis racket or a similar object to show the child that keeping a distance of about 18 to 24 inches is a good amount of space when having a conversation.

6. Have family members or friends of the child practice standing too close and at just the right distance. Take videos of various scenarios to review and discuss with the child. This will help the child get a clear idea about appropriate personal space.

7. Help the child understand social cues that may show a person is feeling uncomfortable if they are standing too close. For example, if the other person takes a step back it could mean they need more personal space and the child should stay in place. What are other social cues that may show that someone is uncomfortable with the amount of personal space? Discuss with the child.

The Connected Rope

When walking together with other children, an ASD child may not adhere to unspoken rules about personal space. Often ASD kids will dart off upfront on their own or others might stay behind lost in thought and admiring something they’ve found. In this activity we look at helping kids keep the amount of space between themselves and other by using a rope to show kids what is too far ahead and what is too far behind.

What you need:

1. A rope, about fifteen feet long

What to do:

1. Use the rope to demonstrate a good distance when walking together with a friend. You can say, “When people are together on a walk, it’s like they are connected together by a rope. Even though they are all walking separately, they are also walking together. If you get too far behind, then if they think of something interesting to tell you or show you, you are too far away to hear them. They might feel like you are slowing them down. If you run ahead, the people you are with might feel like you are trying to get away from them or rush them. When you are walking with your friends, try to stay between this distance … and this distance.”

2. Now it’s time to go on a walk. Use the rope and place friends and family at different spots along the rope. If somebody runs ahead or lags behind, ‘rein’ them in and remind them that they need to be connected together.

Body Language & Posture

The way you stand, your posture, can give people a lot of clues about how you might be feeling. If you’re feeling nervous, you may not be standing upright. If you are slouching during a conversation, your posture might be sending the message that you’re not paying attention to what the other person is saying. This activity is meant to help the child on the spectrum become more self-aware and learn about emotional communication using appropriate body language and posture.

You can do this activity with one child or in a group setting.

1. Write the following situational phrases on a piece of paper. Add any other scenarios that may be relevant to the child or any other scenarios you can think of.

a. Doing your homework

b. Reading

c. Talking with a friend on the phone

d. Eating dinner with family

e. In the principal’s office

f. Talking to your teacher

g. Speaking to someone you just met

h. Reading at home

Have the child pick out a piece of paper and act out how they would stand, sit or show any other type of body posture or language appropriate to the situation.

Be sure to discuss if the child is using the appropriate body posture and why.

Take turns acting out different scenarios.

Reading Social Cues

Children on the autism spectrum often battle with reading basic social cues. Here is a fun activity to teach kids how to read those social cues from adults. This is also a great activity for children who may need help learning to follow instructions.

What you need:

1. Musical instruments for everyone in the group

Steps:

1. Give one musical instrument to each member of the group. Have a leader stand in front of the group.

2. Let the group know that not everyone will be playing their instruments at the same time. They’ll need to wait until the leader points at them before they start playing their instrument. They must stop playing when you point and shake your head.

3. Sit in a circle with everyone and have the leader practice the pointing and head-shaking cues.

CHAPTER 4

Expressing Feelings

Identifying Emotions

People like to feel understood and feel that you care about them and their feelings. You can learn so much about how people are feeling by looking at their faces. When you have an idea of how someone is feeling, you can decide on an appropriate way to act towards that person.  Knowing how someone else is feeling is an important part of emotional communication and showing you care about another person’s feelings—

In other words, showing empathy.

1. Write the following emotions, or any that you think would be appropriate, on small pieces of paper and add them to a bag or basket:

a. Joyful

b. Angry

c. Upset

d. Scared

e. Disappointed

f. Proud

g. Confused

h. Disgusted

2. Have the child pick an emotion from the basket. Ask the child: “If your friend might be feeling this way, how would her face look? Would she use any gestures?”

3. Take turns acting out different facial expressions and gestures for the different emotions that you pick out of the bag.

The Feelings Journal

Oftentimes, children on the spectrum can appear to act out negatively, maybe by throwing a toy, yelling, or even repeating a phrase when they are upset, frustrated, or angry. By teaching emotional awareness, children can learn to put a label to their feelings and deal with them appropriately. This exercise is meant to get children to expand on their feelings beyond the basic sad, happy, mad feelings that the child may already be familiar with.

1. In a journal, add the following list of emotions. Feel free to add any other emotions that the child may experience throughout the day.

• Sad

o Discouraged

o Depressed

o Hurt

o Uncomfortable

• Happy

o Excited

o Cheerful

o Comfortable

o Relaxed

o Satisfied

o Proud

• Scared

o Embarrassed

o Nervous

o Anxious

o Confused

2. Reserve a page of the journal for each day. Leave room for 3 sentences on a page.

Today I felt ____________________ because ________________________.

Have the child fill in the blanks with a specific feeling. Help the child understand that a person will cycle through different feelings in a day. You may need to go over some definitions and examples of feelings if the child isn’t familiar with these terms.

For example:

Today I felt nervous because I had to read my speech in front of the class.

Let’s Talk About Feelings

Talking about how you feel can make you feel better and can help you cope. Recognizing how you feel throughout the day and learning to express your feelings is an important social skill to master. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can make you feel better. It’s an important step in getting along with others.

1. Come up with different scenarios with the child that may elicit strong emotions and write them down on a list. For example:

• Your mom was angry at you for not focusing on doing your homework.

• You got a bad grade on a test.

• You got a perfect score on a test.

• A classmate teased you at school.

• You lost your homework.

• Your best friend arrives at your birthday party.

• Your best friend can’t come to your party.

2. Discuss how you’d feel in any of these scenarios.

3. Make a visual with the following:

I feel ______________ because _______________________.

4. When a child is feeling upset or angry, pull out the visual to help him explain how he feels. I feel _____________ because _______________________.

Taking Ownership of Your Feelings

When you’re angry, it’s easy to put the blame on others. This doesn’t foster open communication. Placing blame will often get people angry as well, leaving everyone with hurt feelings. Learning to appropriately tell people how you feel will prevent hurtful confrontations or judgments. Letting others know how you feel will help you own your feelings rather than blame others.

Here’s how the ownership messaging works:

I feel __(insert feeling here)___  when you ___(describe what the other person did that made you feel this way)____ because _____________________________  and I want ___(what can make the situation better)___________.

For example, imagine the child keeps getting hit on the shoulder by Sara. The child may say:

I feel angry when you hit my shoulder because I asked you not to do that and I want you to apologize and stop hitting me.

Empathy

Putting yourself in another person’s shoes can help you understand how the person is feeling. It’s no wonder why this phrase still lives on today. In this exercise, children will learn what empathy is and when it’s a good idea to put yourself in another person’s shoes.

When children can understand another child’s point of view, it’s easier to make friends. Feeling happy for others when something good happens, or feeling sad with someone when they’re grieving, can let people know you understand how they are feeling.

In this activity, you’ll be role playing with the child. If you have a group of children, you can include them in the skit.

1. Make a short script or, if the child is advanced, you can make it up as you go along for the following scenarios.

For example:

• Mom is talking to her son, Billy. Billy is ignoring his mom while listening to music.

• Morgan is being bullied by Jeff at the school playground.

• You didn’t get invited to a birthday party that most of your other classmates got invited to.

• You were picked last in gym class for the sports team.

2. After the skit, discuss with the child the following questions:

• Can you empathize with the child in the skit?

• Has something similar happened to you? How did it make you feel?

Mixed Bag of Emotions

As humans, we often experience more than one emotion at a time. A child may have mixed feelings about starting a new school. She might be excited about making new friends but may feel anxious about meeting new people as well. This activity is about helping a child understand their mixed feelings.

Using a visual helper in this activity, children will learn that it is okay to have mixed emotions. If emotions are troubling the child, the child can be open about talking to someone he or she can trust - a teacher, parent or caregiver. This activity is also found in The Autism Activities Handbook: Activities to Help Kids Communicate, Make Friends, and Learn Life Skills.

What you need:

• Pom-Poms (different colors)

• A Clear Jar

Steps:

1. Have the child assign a feeling to each color of pom- pom. For example, blue can mean frustration and red can mean angry.

2. Have the child label the emotion he is feeling. Pick the corresponding pom-pom, and place it in the jar.

3. Instruct the child to keep adding pom-poms for every different emotion she is feeling. For example, if she is having mixed feelings about the first day of school, she might choose a blue pom-pom for sad, a red one for feeling anxious or worried, and a green one for excited.

4. Mix all the pom-poms in the jar and explain to the child that it’s normal to have a mix of feelings.

5. Ask which emotion is the biggest and tell the child to add more of that pom-pom. For example, if he is mostly feeling anxious or worried about the first day of school, have the child add more red pom-poms to the jar.

6. If the jar is mainly filled with positive emotions, mention that it’s okay to feel a little nervous or sad. If the jar is mainly filled with negative emotions, discuss with the child how to solve the problem or deal with these emotions.

Alternative:

For older children, you can lay out different scenarios. Have the child imagine what it would be like to be the person feeling in those scenarios. Have the child say how he might have mixed feelings.

Here are a few sample scenarios:

• You got a christmas present but it wasn’t what you were hoping for.

• You lost your favorite pen but your friend gives you a new pen.

• Your aunt is visiting for a few days and you’ll need to be on your best behavior.

Controlling Impulsive Behavior

Staying calm under stressful situations and controlling your impulses is what children will learn with this activity. With self-control, you can decide the best way to act in moments when it’s hard to think about taking the right action when you are upset or angry. You’ll stop and think about the consequences if you react impulsively.

If there is a group of students you can act out a skit of the following scenarios. Or you can ask the child to imagine what it would be like if he needed to exercise self-control in various situations.

1. Brainstorm different situations that the child has encountered that required self-control. Feel free to come up with additional situations.

For example:

• Your brother forgot to close the gate and your dog runs away.

• Your parents decide you can’t have that new cell phone.

• You fail an important test you studied hard for.

• A trip was cancelled that you were looking forward to.

2. If you have a group of students, you can act out a skit of each situation. Or if you are only working with one child, you can ask the child to imagine what it would look like if she needed to exercise self-control in each situation. Get her to act it out or draw a picture. Discuss.

CHAPTER 5

Listening

Listening During a Conversation

Children on the autism spectrum can have a hard time listening during a conversation. Either they’re thinking about other topics while someone is speaking to them or they might have their own ideas about how to take over the conversation. It’s vital to have self-control and listen to the other person in order to have good two-way communication. Give the person speaking the feeling that you’re interested in what her or she has to say. If you come across as a good listener, others will connect with you more easily.

1. Find 2-person skits online (make sure they’re appropriate for the child’s age) or write your own 2-person scripts demonstrating two children showing appropriate listening skills and inappropriate listening skills. Discuss: Which scripts show children listening and having an appropriate response?

2. Read out these guidelines to the child about how to act when you’re listening to the other person speak:

• Look at the other person’s face when the person is speaking.

• Pay attention to what the other person is saying.

• When the other person is done speaking, you can show you were listening by asking a question about what was said or make a comment about it.

Story Addition

It’s important to listen to what others are saying before you speak. Teach children how to listen attentively with this simple story addition activity. You can play this game with a child or have children in a group play this game together.

1. Start a story. For example, you can start the story with, “There once was a man who jumped on a motorcycle…”

2. Have the child continue the next part of the story with a sentence or two. Make sure the story is relevant to the ideas that came before. If the storylines don’t match up, repeat the part of the story that was just said and encourage the child to continue the story with another idea.

3. If there are more children in the group, have other children contribute to the story. If it’s just you and the child, take turns adding information to the story.

4. Bonus: Have the child give a short summary of what happened in the story.

Tips: If the child has a hard time following the story, start the game by typing up each part of the story on a computer or tablet screen.

Following Instructions

Think about a time things didn’t go your way because you didn’t follow instructions. From kindergarten and beyond, people have to face instructions in order for life to go smoothly. Without following instructions it would be hard to accomplish any goal. Even in a group, if one person doesn’t follow instructions, the whole group could be negatively affected.

Use this rehearsal activity to practice following instructions. Start off the activity by planning fun or silly instructions to follow. Once the child is familiar with the steps, you can move on to more serious instructions or tasks.

1. Teach the child the following steps involved in following instructions to complete a task:

Step 1 - Look at the person giving instructions.

Step 2 - Say “Okay” in agreement.

Step 3 - Complete the task right away.

Step 4 - Check back.

2. Give the child simple instructions and have her follow through. Take turns and have the child give you a set of instructions to follow. Have simple rewards to give the child if she completes the instructions.

3. The next time you give an instruction, tell the child, “I’m going to give you an instruction. Do you remember the 4 steps?”

Reflective Listening

It can be hard for children on the spectrum to learn how to respond when a peer is upset about something. This exercise will teach children a simple way to show empathy towards a peer or family member.

For example, the child’s friend at school may come to school one morning looking upset and say, “I feel sad because my dog died last night.” Using reflective listening, the child will be taught to repeat what his friend said in his own words: “ You’re upset because your dog died and it’s sad news.” These words are more helpful than saying, “You can get another dog.”

This activity works well if you have two children who can form a pair to complete this activity.

1. Have the children form pairs. If it’s just you, the facilitator, you can have the child discuss the following topics:

• I was embarrassed about…

• One problem I have at home is….

• Something that really bothers me at school is…

• Something that I really struggle with is…

2. Take turns expressing an appropriate response using reflective listening.

For example, if one child says, “something that I really struggle with is communication” the other child can say, “you struggle with communication” to show that he is listening.

CHAPTER 6

Standing Up

for Yourself

Thinking Positive

It’s so important to teach kids to think positively. One of the ways to do this is to create a ‘Positivity Journal.’ This will have the child thinking all about the ‘awesomeness’ in her life and help her to appreciate the goodness that surrounds her.

Materials:

• Journal or blank book

• Colored pencils

• Glue

• Optional: Camera

• Optional: Printer

1. Get your child to create her very own cover for her positivity journal. The cover can include pictures she draws, pictures from magazines or photographs she has taken of her favorite things.

2. On the front page, get the child to write down what ‘positivity’ means to her. You might have to explain this to her so she can write down things that she really likes about herself and the world around her.

3. Set time aside every day or every second day (you can decide when to do this) and let your child write down what happened on that particular day what was ‘awesome’. This will help her to think positive thoughts as opposed to negative self-thoughts.

4. Discuss this with your child each time she writes in the journal. Add in a picture she has taken, or something from a magazine. This will guide the child to thinking positively about herself and the world around her.

Boosting Self-Esteem

How do you help children overcome negative self-thoughts and build self-esteem? Building a child’s self-esteem will help him develop a healthy opinion of himself. As the child gets older, self-esteem will allow the child to accomplish necessary tasks and feel worthy of good things that happen to him. This confidence boosting game is great to play with a bunch of kids. If you don’t have a couple of friends around, then do this activity with your family. Have fun!

What you need:

• Index cards or pieces of paper

• Pens

• Bowl

Steps:

1. Each person writes his or her name down on the index card and then puts it in a bowl.

2. Have the kids or family members pull out a person’s name from the bowl.

3. Write down one good thing about the person named on the card.

4. Once everyone is done, read aloud what others think of you. This is a great way to build up self-esteem.

Being Assertive

In this activity you are showing your child how to be assertive without coming across as being rude. Some kids on the autism spectrum just can’t hold back what they say and it often comes out as being rude, even if they don’t mean it to be. So get practicing.

Being assertive means being confident about your own thoughts and feelings.

1. Have the child draw a self portrait. Beside the self portrait have the child write down her favorite foods and her favorite hobbies. If there are other children or family members in the group, have them complete this activity as well.

2. Explain to the child it is okay to have different interests and hobbies. She can feel good about who she is and the differences she has between her peers or family members. These differences make everyone unique, and different talents help contribute to the world we live in today.

Alternative:

Another example could be when your child disagrees with another child—it’s important that they don’t lash out. Remind children that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and that they are entitled to have their say as well, in a kind way, without damaging somebody else’s feelings. You can also remind them that they are entitled to their own personal space and saying kindly to others, “Please don’t do that, I don’t like being poked/tickled/pinched/hit.” Role play all these different scenarios to help them stand up for themselves in a positive way. Write down different phrases or draw pictures for your child if this will help.

Give Yourself Credit

Children on the autism spectrum tend to not give themselves credit where credit is due. So, in this activity we’re going to teach them to build up a bank of credit that they can use when they need it and help them to feel good about themselves and what they’ve achieved! This activity is about helping the child learn to feel good about their contributions and accomplishments.

Materials:

• Jar

• Note paper

• Pen or pencil

Steps:

1. You’re going to start by reminding your child every time he does something really well. When he has achieved something, write it on a piece of paper and put it in the bank (a.k.a. the jar).

2. As the child becomes used to hearing positive things about himself he’ll start to recognize his own achievements, although you still might need to guide him sometimes.

3. Every day ask him what good thing he did that day and get him to write it on a note and deposit it in the bank.

4. If he is having a really bad day, get him to open up the bank of credit and take a look at some of his achievements and what he has done really well. This will give him that much-needed boost about feeling good about himself.

Who is the Bully?

It’s important to help some children on the spectrum recognize a bully. Some children may not even realize that they are being bullied and only think that they are being bullied if they are being hurt. They may even think that the other child is joking, or they may not understand subtle social norms and cues. Help the child understand that bullying can take place in a number of ways and it can be harmful either physically or emotionally. In this activity we’ll show you how to help your child recognize a bully.

Here are some questions to ask children to help them recognize bullies.

The first couple of questions should be about the setting your child is in:

• How was school today?

• Have you ever seen anyone being mean to someone else on the school grounds?

The next set of questions to ask your child should relate directly to her situation:

• Are you ever scared to go to school?

• Has anyone ever been mean to you on the bus?

If she responds with a yes to these questions, you can dig a little bit further to help the child understand bullying behavior:

• Were you hurt on purpose?

• Has this happened before?

• How did it make you feel?

• Did the other child know that you were being hurt?

If the child is reluctant to talk you could ask more open-ended questions:

• How was recess today?

• Who did you play with at recess?

• Can you tell me why you’ve been staying home from school lately?

• Are any kids making fun or laughing at you?

Depending on the child’s answers you can guide her to understand what bullying is and isn’t.

Dealing with Bullying

When kids are bullied they can feel powerless or humiliated. They often feel alone. Bullying may stop a child from wanting to go to school or participate in sports. Whether the child is experiencing constant bullying or has recently had to deal with bullying, this activity will help you role play with the child and show him a way to deal with the bullies.

Body Language

Practice a confident stance by standing straight and tall with the head held up high. Practice showing a sad face, a happy face and a brave face. Pretend you’re coming across a bully, and switch to a brave face. This body language can help the child ignore the bully and walk away. Fighting back can often make things worse.

Talking to the Bully

Practice how to talk to a bully by using stuffed animals or dolls, and then move on to practicing with an adult or another child. Let your child be the bully and then show him how to respond by talking in a strong and firm voice and saying, “Don’t do that” or “I’m not going to play with you if you act mean.” What they need to understand is that they shouldn’t be mean or aggressive towards the bully as this may make things worse.

Tell an Adult

If the bullying doesn’t stop, teach your child to tell you or a trusted adult when the bullying happens. This often has the highest success rate of ending the bullying. An adult can speak with the bully or his parents. If the child cannot express himself to the adult, have him write a letter explaining his concerns. You can practice writing a simple letter with your child so he will feel confident if he needs to write a letter.

Dealing with peer pressure

Even children on the autism spectrum want to feel they belong or feel noticed in their group of peers. Learning how to deal with peer pressure is especially important with children who have difficulty making friends or need extra support to cope with isolation.  The desire to be well-liked is a typical feeling, but it may lead to poor decisions. You can help the child by preparing her to deal with peer pressure. Start by explaining the meaning of peer pressure so the child will learn to recognize it when it occurs at school or in her peer group.

Use the following examples to explain peer pressure. Add some of your own scenarios that may be relevant to the child’s situation.

Good peer pressure:

• Learning a cool trick on the soccer field from a group of friends

• Admiring someone for being a good sport and looking up to that person

• Encouraging friends to read a new book that everyone is reading

Bad peer pressure:

• Leaving someone out of activities

• Being asked to be mean to someone

• Being asked to cut class

• Being pressured to shoplift

Activity:

Role play the following scenario with the child so that she improves her self-confidence and understands how to respond to peer pressure. Being prepared will help her to avoid negative consequences that can happen with bad peer pressure.

• You ask the child to cut class.

• See what she says and then help her to come up with a good answer. Guide her to say, “How about we meet after school and include more of our friends?” If this doesn’t work and the person keeps saying they need to cut class, then show the child how to say “No,” in a firm voice and walk away.

• Also show her how to stop and think for a little bit before answering. Ask her to think about the scenario and what could be some of the possible consequences. If she stops and thinks about the consequences of her actions, like getting into trouble or not being ready for a test if she cuts class, she might be less likely to give in to negative peer pressure.

CHAPTER 7

Problem Solving & Managing Conflict

I Can Handle Conflicts

Kids have become less and less adept at solving their problems and conflicts. They are quick to involve adults and call the other child a “bully.” There may be a time that kids may not have an adult present to help solve their conflicts.

In this activity you will teach the child to resolve conflicts.

Materials:

• Two dolls or action figures

Steps:

1. You’re going to act out different scenarios with your child using the dolls as your props.

2. The first scenario is where you ask her to imagine that she is lining up for class and you go ahead and push her doll. Ask her to act out what she will do. If she responds with pushing back, gently guide her into an alternative solution and then ask her to push your doll. Here you can give her different ways to respond, for example saying nicely to the person, “I don’t like it when you push me like that, please stop,” or counting to ten to calm down.

3. In the second scenario you can ask the child to pretend that she’s on the playground. Your doll says, “Go away. I don’t want to play with you.” Ask your child how she will respond. Now let her say the same thing to your doll and tell her she can walk away and go and play with someone else, or be kind and say, “Okay that’s fine, I don’t mind.”

4. In the third scenario act out that you’re knocking her bag over and her belongings go all over the floor. Once again, let her do the same thing to your doll. In this instance she can count to ten or even say, “I don’t like it when you do that as it hurts my feelings,” in a kind voice.

I Can Handle Teasing

Many kids on the autism spectrum don’t understand the social cues that go with teasing. They may find it hard to understand when someone is joking or if they are being teased.

Here are a couple of ideas on how to deal with teasing that you can go through with your child:

• Tell him to ignore teasing and not show the other person that he’s upset, as this just might lead the teaser to tease even more.

• Teach the child to visualize that he has a big bubble around him and words just bounce off it.

• Say, “So?” as this shows the teaser that your child doesn’t really care if he is being teased.

• Teach him that he can have a sense of humor about it and that no one is perfect.

Materials:

• Two dolls or action figures

Steps:

• Role play different types of teasing that your child will encounter and what other kids might say to him.

• Take turns being the teaser.

• You can start off with an example of you saying to your child, “Your hair is funny.” See what he says and how he reacts. Then guide him on what he should do. He should say something like, “Stop teasing me I don’t like it,” in a firm voice and walk away.

• Now practice a different example where someone says, “You wear funny clothes.” It’s your turn to answer. Say in a firm voice, “Stop teasing me I don’t like it.” Practice this until it becomes second nature.

Managing Stress

As adults we often see childhood as a stress-free time, but our kids also suffer from stress in many different forms, whether it’s about an upcoming test or a friend that doesn’t want to play with them. We can’t take stress away from our kids, but we can help them to deal with stress in healthy ways. Here are some ideas on how to help you child deal with stress.

• Teach her belly breathing. This is a great way to get your child to calm down and pause for a while. Tell her to lie on the floor and hold her hands over her belly. Now she should breathe in and count to 8 so that she can feel her tummy filling up with air. Now she must hold her breath and count to two and then slowly breathe out through the mouth and nose.

• Get moving. This is a great way to reduce stress. If you see your child is stressed out, head outdoors for some good old fashioned fresh air and exercise. Studies have shown that kids who move more suffer from less stress. Make sure that it is something they enjoy so that you are not putting more stress on them. If they like gardening or riding their bike then go for what they love doing.

• Get arty. This is a great way to divert attention from stress and get your kids using their creativity. Get some magazines, glitter, glue, scissors, stickers and whatever else you have, and create a collage or even get scrapbooking.

• Let the child hug herself. This is a real sensory activity that uses deep pressure to help her calm down. Teach her to give herself a big old hug when she’s feeling stressed and she will feel her stress levels reduce. Of course a big bear hug from you won’t go amiss.

• Yoga. Watch some videos on the internet with your child and do some yoga exercises together. If you have yoga classes in your area and your child suffers from stress you can sign her up if she enjoys it. Yoga is a great way to deal with stress and teach children about mindfulness.

Dealing with Anger

Teach kids how to stay calm when dealing with anger in this simple activity. This is a great way to get kids to understand what makes them feel angry, as sometimes their anger may be masked by another emotion.

Materials:

• Large piece of paper

• Markers

• Toilet paper

• Bucket of water

• Tape

Steps:

1. Tape a piece of paper up on the side of an outdoor wall.

2. Get your child to write down or draw on toilet paper things that make him angry. If he can’t think of anything, you can give him hints like, “I see you got annoyed with your friend the other day because he wouldn’t share. Does that make you angry?” or “I noticed that when I said no to you the other day you got angry,” or even “I saw you got angry when someone didn’t play with you.” Ask the child to name the emotion that made him angry—worry, embarrassment, fear.

3. Let him write or draw, on the toilet paper with the markers, what makes him angry.

4. Add water to the toilet paper until it is damp.

5. Throw the damp toilet paper at the large piece of paper. The child will see the words or pictures simply vanishing as all the ink runs off.

6. Ask the child how it felt to throw his anger at a wall. This is a great way of expressing anger without hurting others’ feelings or lashing out. He is also understanding the emotions behind anger and seeing that he can deal with anger while staying calm.

Handling Someone Else’s Anger

Often children get angry with each other, and it’s important to teach them the social skills of being able to deal with someone else’s anger towards them. This is very much about listening, negotiating, as well as learning to stay calm and not get angry in return. Try these role-play activities to help your child deal with anger directed at her. For each scenario there are two versions, the original version and the modified version, which show your child how to deal with the situation more effectively. Be sure to discuss each scenario with the child.

Scenario 1

Original version

You: Hey! You just hit me on the back.

Child: Oh, I didn’t realize.

You: It really hurts and I’m mad at you.

Child: Well I said I didn’t realize it.

Modified version

You: Hey! You just hit me on the back.

Child: Oh, I didn’t realize.

You: It really hurts and I’m mad at you.

Child: I’m sorry, it was a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Scenario 2

Original version

You: I just invited your friend over to my house this weekend.

Child: Hey, that’s not fair. I wanted him to come to me.

You: Well it’s already organized so there is nothing that you can do.

Child: I’m so mad at you and don’t want to be friends with you anymore.

Modified version

You: I just invited your friend over to my house this weekend.

Child: Hey that’s not fair, I wanted him to come to me.

You: Well it’s already organized, I’m sorry.

Child: Hey that’s okay, I can arrange for him to come to me next weekend.

Stories about Change

Many children on the autism spectrum don’t deal well with changes in routine. Use the following idea to help your child get used to the idea that something new is going to happen. In this example, we’ll be using a comic strip to add a doctor’s appointment in the child’s schedule.

Materials:

• Paper

• Coloring pencils

Steps:

1. Using the coloring pencils, divide a piece of paper into squares. Each square will be part of a comic strip.

2. Write the various scenarios that will happen when the child takes a trip to see the doctor. Add a different scenario to each square and have the child draw a picture for each scenario. For example:

o Leave the house at 3pm.

o Get driven to the doctor’s office.

o Wait in the doctor’s examination room.

o Doctor will check blood pressure.

o Doctor will listen to the child’s chest.

o Doctor will look inside the child’s ears.

3. Go through the comic strip and talk to your child about each scenario.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help!

It can be hard for a child to know when to ask for help. Children need to understand that it’s okay to ask for help when they need it, and they don’t need to feel embarrassed. There are some situations where an adult is the best person to ask for help. How do we help children understand that it’s okay to ask for help? Here is a list to go through with your child:

1. Do I have a problem?

2. If so, do I know how to solve it?

3. If you do know how to solve it, try and solve it on your own.

4. If you’ve tried and it didn’t work you may need help.

5. If you don’t know how to solve it, you may also need help.

6. Now that you’ve identified that you need someone’s help you need to think about who the best person is to ask for help. Is it your teacher? Is it your parents? Is it a friend?

7. Once you’ve figured out who the best person is to help you, find that person and ask for help.

8. If you can’t find that person, think of someone else that can help you. That’s your backup person. Ask him or her for help.

During this exercise or discussion, prompt the child to think of who may be the best people to ask for help in different situations. Is the child having trouble with homework? Perhaps they can ask a friend to help, or their tutor. Is the child being bullied at school? Maybe he should seek out the help of a teacher. Did he forget to write down his homework? They can ask a classmate. Help them to picture different scenarios (draw a picture if needed) to help them understand how to seek help from the appropriate person.

I Can Say Sorry

It’s important for kids to identify occasions when apologizing is the right thing to do. Apologizing can be a tough thing to do. This role-play exercise will help children understand the impact of their actions on others and when it’s time to say sorry.

Role-play script:

You: Hey, you hurt my feelings the other day when you didn’t talk to me.

Child: Well I didn’t want to talk to you as I was playing with another friend.

You: Well if that’s the way that you feel then we won’t be friends anymore.

Ask them if they can see how this could hurt someone’s feelings and that the consequences of these actions could mean that they lose a friend. Then give them the alternative.

You: Hey, you hurt my feelings the other day when you didn’t talk to me.

Child: I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was so busy talking that I didn’t notice. I hope that we can still be friends.

You: Yes of course.

Now they can see how apologizing can turn something from a horrible situation into a good situation. Be sure to explain to the child that it may take a bit of time for someone to forgive him.

Try writing your own scripts to help the child with situations that he may encounter with family or peers.

Finding the Right Time to Resolve Conflicts

Solving a conflict right away is not always the best solution, and children on the autism spectrum will need a bit of coaching in this area in terms of when the best time is to resolve conflict.

Take the child through these different scenarios and ask him to answer yes or no as to whether he thinks it is a good time to resolve the conflict or not. If it may not be an appropriate time to solve the conflict, help the child think of when would be a better time to try and resolve the conflict.

• You’ve had a fight with your mom as you didn’t go to bed on time. Now everyone is very tired. Is this a good time to resolve a conflict?

• Your best friend was mean to you and is surrounded by other friends. Is this a good time to solve the conflict?

• You had an argument with your dad just before you went to school and you are now sitting at the dinner table, relaxed. Is this a good time to resolve the conflict?

• You and your sister are having an argument about what game to play. Is this a good time to resolve the conflict?

• Your brother has brought over a couple of friends and they are all teasing you. Is this a good time to resolve the conflict?

• Your mom has just got back from work and is on the phone. Is this a good time to resolve a conflict?

Staying Calm When Resolving Conflicts

Children on the autism spectrum can sometimes have issues managing their emotions. Learning to stay calm when resolving conflicts is one area where a person could use a little guidance. You can teach calming strategies to help children when they’re trying to resolve conflicts with peers, family, and friends. Here are some techniques to help children stay calm:

Deep Breathing

Show your child how to breathe in very slowly through his nose and count to 5. Next, breathe out of the mouth very slowly while he counts to 5 in his head. This is a great technique to keep anger at bay.

Visualization

Get children to picture something very calming in their minds. Perhaps they are floating on air or lying in a meadow. Get them to come up with different calming scenarios or use some of the examples below:

• Relaxing at the beach

• Enjoying their favorite movie

• Listening to calming music

Teach them to picture a calming scenario in their minds and then practice their deep breathing at the same time. This will help them get ready to resolve a conflict calmly.

Robot/Ragdoll Technique

This is a great technique to get tension out of the child’s muscles when he is angry or upset. Instruct the child to…

• Picture that he is a robot by stiffening all his muscles.

• Hold the robot pose for the count of 15.

• Release the muscle tension.

Next, instruct the child to pretend that he is a ragdoll. Have him hold this loose state for another 15 seconds.

I Can Compromise

When children on the spectrum learn to compromise, it is an important life skill that will serve them for years to come. Explain to the child that compromising is not about getting her own way, but about meeting someone in the middle when you want different things.

Get her to consider each of the statements below and tell you which scenarios are good examples of meeting someone in the middle and compromising. Help the child come up with better solutions to the scenarios that don’t show any compromise.

• I don’t want to go to your house, so you need to come to mine.

• I know you want to play another game. How about we finish this round and then we play the game that you want to play?

• I know you want to watch something different on TV. How about we watch this for another 15 minutes and then you can watch your show?

• I want the red pencil now. Go and find your own.

• I didn’t like what you did so I don’t want to talk to you right now. I will calm down and we can talk tomorrow.

• That’s the last couple of slices of bread. You’ll have to find something else to eat as I want this.

Win-Win Situations

When there is a conflict and two people want to do different things, it should be about finding a resolution where both people give a little and everyone gets something that they want. This is called a win-win situation.

What you need:

• Find some pictures on the internet that show different conflicts taking place between children. Lay these out on a table or on the floor.

• Pen and paper

Steps:

• Write win-win solutions down on pieces of paper and then also lay them out on the floor or on a table.

• Examples include the following:

o We both want to play with the same toy, so how about we each choose something different to play with?

o We’re calling each other names, so why don’t we stop and breathe to calm down and then we can start playing again.

o We both want to watch a different program on TV, so how about you watch yours today and I’ll watch mine tomorrow?

o We both want to play a different game, so how about we play this game for an extra 15 minutes and then we play your game?

o There’s only a little bit of cereal left. You can have it today and I’ll ask mom to get more for tomorrow’s breakfast.

• Now get your kids to match the win-win scenarios with the pictures that you’ve found.

Fighting Fairly

All kids fight, but it’s our job as parents and caregivers to help them to fight fair. Some children may need help learning to fight fairly. Calling someone horrible names, for example, is not fair fighting. Also physical violence is certainly not fair fighting. Here are some ideas to teach your kids about fighting fairly and the rules of engagement.

Go through the following scenarios with the child and ask him if he thinks it is fair fighting or not.

• We get angry and lash out, calling someone names.

• We get angry and we breathe in and talk back, calmly explaining what we want.

• We get angry and we pinch someone.

• We get angry and we threaten someone that we’re going to hurt them.

• We get angry and we describe how we are feeling and why.

• We listen to what the other person is saying.

• When the other person is talking we keep interrupting them.

• We speak in a loud, angry voice.

• We’ve listened to both sides of the story and agree on a solution to the problem.

CHAPTER 8

Being Part of a Group

Phone Conversations

These days, children appear to be getting cell phones at younger ages. Learning appropriate phone etiquette is a critical social skill that children can practice from home and then with their own cell phones as they get older.

This activity is a great way to teach your child how to have polite conversations with people over the phone.

Steps:

1. Call your child on the phone and speak in a very polite voice and say, “Hello, how are you?”

2. Wait for her response and see how she answers. You might need to coach her to also ask how you are too, instead of just saying “fine.”

3. You can go through a number of different scenarios on the phone.

a. Teach the child to listen until you are done speaking.

b. Teach her to not only ask questions, but also to give some information about herself.

c. Get her to ask you what activities you enjoy, and then ask her the same question, showing her how she can make friends with kids who have the same interests as her.

4. Once the child has practiced a few scenarios with you, have a family member call the child.

Text Messaging

Is the child old enough to be text messaging with family and friends? Knowing when and how often to send text messages can be a tricky social skill for a child on the spectrum to master without some guidance. Some children seek out constant interactions with their friends through text messaging—even without a response from their friends.

To help the child keep her friendships intact, teach her to send appropriate text messages when she receives a text message or to stop sending messages when she sees that she hasn’t received a response.

Sharing is Caring

Children don’t really know the value of sharing until they’re about 5 years old, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t start modelling sharing behaviors earlier. Here is a great activity to introduce the concept of sharing to younger children.

What you need:

1. 2 puppets or soft toys

2. Pencils and paper

Steps:

1. Write sharing rules on a poster. For example, ask when you want to use something. Also, wait until someone is finished before you start using something and help each other.

2. Now you’re going to introduce the sharing rules through a story. You can come up with your own story based on the child’s favorite TV show, or use the following story:

Sam is playing with his favorite toy. Jenny wants to play with it.

“Sam, can I play with your toy?” asks Jenny.

“I am playing with the toy right now. You can play when I am finished,” answers Sam. Jenny waits until Sam is finished. Sam hands Jenny the toy and says, “Jenny, I am finished now.”

“Thank you, Sam,” says Jenny.

Balloon Cooperation Game

Kids need to learn how to work together to be successful at school or as part of any team. The Balloon Cooperation Game is a great introductory game to demonstrate the benefits of working together and cooperating to achieve a goal. This is a great game to play as a family indoors or outdoors.

What you need:

A Balloon

Steps:

1. Gather round in a circle together and tell everybody to hold hands.

2. Have someone throw a balloon into the center of the circle.

3. Everyone in the circle needs to keep the balloon in the air without using feet. You can use any other part of the body including heads, chests and thighs. You’ll soon see how all of you need to move together in order to keep the balloon bopping!

4. Once you’ve completed the activity explain to the kids how cooperating and working together not only makes games more fun but also helps them to achieve goals together, which in this case is keeping the balloon floating in the air.

Making Decisions Together

Learning to make decisions as a group is a skill that will help kids as they progress through school with their peer groups. At times it can be hard to reach a consensus with a group of people with varying ideas. Children on the autism spectrum may need help with decision making in a group as they are often more comfortable in their own space and making up their own decisions, not easily adapting to working in a group. In this activity you can work together as a family to come up with a group consensus.

What you need:

1. Pen

2. Paper

3. Timer

Steps:

1. It’s the Christmas season and there is some money to spend as a family, so together you need to decide what to do with the money.

2. Assign one person as a scribe to write notes for the group.

3. Each person in the family gets to have their say about what they think they should do with the money. For example, one person might say that everyone should go on a vacation. Another family member thinks they should donate the money to a charity for animals. Another member of the family might think they should all go and buy one thing for each member of the family. Or another person might want to buy some toys for a local children’s home so that they get to enjoy the holidays too. Have each family member contribute at least one idea.

4. For each suggestion, each member of the family needs to say why they think they should spend the money in the way that they’re suggesting. Write down all the answers.

5. Once everyone has taken their turn, read out the notes and let everyone listen.

6. Set a timer for 15 minutes. As a family you need to reach an agreement together on how to spend the Christmas money before the timer runs out.

7. Once you’ve reached a consensus, have everyone in the group give a short explanation of why it is a good idea even if it wasn’t their own.

The Compliment Game

The Compliment Game is a great activity for teaching kids in a group to appreciate one another for who they are, regardless of their differences. This game will help the kids to get to know each other better. Once you’ve practiced this game at home, kids will model this behavior and start finding ways of being together in a group with other kids.

What you need:

• Beanbag or something else soft to throw to each other

Steps:

1. Sit in a circle as a family and have one person throw the beanbag to another person.

2. When the other person catches the beanbag, that person has to say one nice thing about the person who has just thrown the beanbag.

3. The person that caught the beanbag must throw the beanbag to another member of the group. The person that catches the beanbag needs to pay a compliment to the person who has just thrown the beanbag.

4. Keep the game going until everyone has had a chance to catch the beanbag and get a compliment.

Group Communication

Learning to communicate in a group is a skill that can help children integrate more easily in the school environment. This group communication activity is a great way to teach kids on the autism spectrum about the value of communicating in a group.

What you need:

1. Colored wood or plastic blocks

Steps:

1. Pick a leader of the group to be the first builder. The other members of the group will work together on this activity. They will need the same amount of blocks and the same colors as the first builder.

2. Nominate someone in the group to be the person who will look at the builder’s work.

3. The builder builds a simple structure with the blocks without any of the group members (during the first round, remember to keep the structure as simple as possible as the person who will look at the structure will need to remember it).

4. Once the builder has completed the hidden structure, the nominated person has 30 seconds to look at the creation and memorize it.

5. The nominee goes back to the group and must describe the structure in detail.

6. Next, the rest of the group must work together to build what has been described to them. The person who saw the creation is not allowed to say anything or help the group in any way.

7. Once they are finished, everyone must be in agreement with what the creation should look like.

Being a Good Sport

Some kids find it hard to lose. It’s not possible to win everything, so learning to be a good sport is essential. Learning to lose without losing your cool is a skill, like learning to ride a bike. Many kids on the spectrum may not be able to do it at first, but over time it will get easier. With this role-playing activity you can show kids what it means to be a good sport.

What you need:

1. 2 dolls or action figures

Steps:

1. Pretend you’re playing a game of ball and you win. See what the child’s reaction is to losing the ball game.

2. Repeat the role-playing ball game and prompt the child to congratulate you on winning the game.

3. Next, play the ball game and allow the child to win. Show the child how not to brag about winning and how to be respectful to the other player who has lost the game by saying something like, “It’s okay, there’s always a next time and you played well.”

4. Also remind the child that if she is playing a real game she will need to respect other players and the referee, as well as be encouraging of the less skillful players.

5. When you’re going through the role-playing activity, if the child demonstrates good sportsmanship be sure to praise her.

Accepting Differences

Everyone has different strengths and abilities. This activity is a great way to teach children to respect and celebrate the differences in all people.

1. Print off a number of pictures from the internet of people of all different cultures.

2. Find some interesting facts about each culture and create little cards out of these interesting facts.

3. Show the kids the different pictures and all the different fact cards.

4. Have the children match the facts to the pictures.

5. Once the kids have got them all matched up with the right pictures and facts, discuss the interesting facts about them.

6. Talk to the child about inclusivity and accepting differences.

Telling Stories

It can be difficult for many children on the spectrum to stay on topic when having a conversation. This activity will help them to tell stories while staying on topic. This activity works well with 2 or more children.

What you need:

1. Pencils

2. Paper

Steps:

1. Draw pictures of different emotions on pieces of paper and turn them upside down on the table.

2. All the players will decide what elements to include in the story, for example a bear, a magical fairyland or whatever their imaginations can come up with.

3. Have a child pick up a card and start telling a story with the emotion written on the card incorporated into the narrative.

4. The next child will continue the story by picking up another emotion card and incorporating the emotion into the narrative.

5. Have the children continue to take turns until they have used up all the emotion cards and reached a satisfying conclusion to the story.

Acknowledgements

This book couldn’t have happened without the support of many people.

First, I must thank all of The Autism Show podcast guests, especially those who took the time to support and review the manuscript.

J.A. Tan, thank you for sharing your artwork and your wonderful drawings that help add an extra visual component to the activities in this handbook. Zelie, thank you for your willingness to collaborate on this project.

Thank you to everyone who supported, bought, and read my first book, The Autism Activities Handbook, this book wouldn’t have happened without you.

About the Author

Catherine Pascuas is a bestselling author of The Autism Activities Handbook. She incorporates her knowledge from 9 years spent working one-on-one with children and consulting with families using Applied Behavior Analysis, SCERTS, and play therapy. She occasionally presents workshops on autism.

Catherine is also the producer and host of The Autism Show podcast, a weekly interview show with autism experts and changemakers (including Temple Grandin, Areva Martin, and Tania Marshall).

Catherine lives in Vancouver and has a family member on the autism spectrum.

About the Illustrator

J.A. Tan describes himself as an artist with autism. He completed his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree at Emily Carr University of Art+Design. He works as a visual artist based in Vancouver, mounting a couple of solo shows and joining group shows in London, U.K., Beijing, China, Miami, Florida, California, New York, and the Philippines.

J.A. has also been commissioned to create pieces for homes and offices. He is part of an exclusive club of artists who have designed stamps for the United Nations. His artwork was issued as a UN stamp for Autism Awareness for April 2nd, 2012.

Diagnosed with autism before his third birthday, he aims to show through art how his mind works.

Of his art he says:

“I have come to the realization that I have always used art as a way of helping myself bring out my thoughts, feelings, and ideas. I consider it an integral part of my existence as each work is a personal journey of myself with myself, and myself with the world, bringing a feeling of peace and happiness since things become clearer to me through the images and visual pictures before me.

Coping with everyday life as an artist challenged with autism, I strive to make a difference in the world. Through my work, I hope to make the world less of a mystery and less scary for everyone. I hope to be able to create images of how someone like me thinks, feels, and interacts with people.”

www.artofjatan.com

artofjatan@gmail.com

More Autism Handbooks

The Autism Activities Handbook: Activities to Help Kids Communicate, Make Friends, and Learn Life Skills.

Available as an ebook and print book.

The Autism Show Podcast

Visit The Autism Show website, www.AutismShow.org, for free interviews with autism experts and resources on autism.

You’ll find free interviews with the best minds in the field and hear from parents and adults on the autism spectrum. The Autism Show podcast focuses on positivity and progress that individuals on the autism spectrum can achieve.

We are proud to focus and provide resources to help people on the autism spectrum and their families achieve independence, productivity, and happiness.

www.AutismShow.org

Table of Contents

Praise for the Social Skills Handbook for Autism

Social Skills Handbook for Autism

Copyright

Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

How to use this book

Chapter 1 - Making Friends

Greetings & Introductions

The Name Game

Learning about Hobbies and Interests

Talking about Shared Interests

Learning About People

The Photo Album Game

Giving Compliments

Chapter 2 - Verbal Communication

Controlling Voice Volume

Reading tone of voice

Intonation

Asking and answering personal questions

Photo Sharing

Chapter 3 - Nonverbal Communication

Making Eye Contact

Identifying Facial Expressions

Non-verbal gestures

Personal Space

The Connected Rope

Body Language & Posture

Reading Social Cues

Chapter 4 - Expressing Feelings

Identifying Emotions

The Feelings Journal

Let’s Talk About Feelings

Taking Ownership of Your Feelings

Empathy

Mixed Bag of Emotions

Controlling Impulsive Behavior

Chapter 5 - Listening

Listening During a Conversation

Story Addition

Following Instructions

Reflective Listening

Chapter 6 - Standing Up for Yourself

Thinking Positive

Boosting Self-Esteem

Being Assertive

Give Yourself Credit

Who is the Bully?

Dealing with Bullying

Dealing with peer pressure

Chapter 7 - Problem Solving & Managing Conflict

I Can Handle Conflicts

I Can Handle Teasing

Managing Stress

Dealing with Anger

Handling Someone Else’s Anger

Stories about Change

It’s Okay to Ask for Help!

I Can Say Sorry

Finding the Right Time to Resolve Conflicts

Staying Calm When Resolving Conflicts

I Can Compromise

Win-Win Situations

Fighting Fairly

Chapter 8 - Being Part of a Group

Phone Conversations

Sharing is Caring

Balloon Cooperation Game

Making Decisions Together

The Compliment Game

Group Communication

Being a Good Sport

Accepting Differences

Telling Stories

Acknowledgements

About the Author

About the Illustrator

More Autism Handbooks

The Autism Show Podcast